Interview With Asia Carrera – Successful Aspie and Mother
Today, I am posting an interview with Asia Carrera. I must apologize to Asia in advance. I did not know anything about you ahead of time, only that you were a friend of a friend, and that you have Asperger’s Syndrome. Please forgive me for not recognizing your name.
Maxine Owen: Thank you, Asia, for joining us on my blog.
Asia: Hi Maxine :o)
Maxine Owen: You are an adult Aspie. Could you tell us if you were diagnosed as an adult or as a child? Did you always feel that something was different about you?
Asia: I have never been formally diagnosed. It wasn’t until my son was diagnosed that I realized what was “wrong” with me, my dad, and my two brothers. All the males in my family, and lucky me, I’m the only girl who got it. I’ve always been known for being eccentric, if not downright difficult to deal with about certain things, and it’s a relief to finally know why.
Maxine Owen: Your two brothers and your father have Asperger’s, how did you discover that this was the case?
Asia: We’re all friggin’ weird, LOL!! Basically all of us would rather be on a computer, communicating via a computer, than dealing with any human beings. All of us. Personally, my phone has the ringer turned off, and my doorbell is disengaged, but I check email and Facebook a million times a day. I don’t do people, and neither does my father, 2 brothers, or my son. We’re all wired the same way. We’ll even IM each each other if we’re sitting in the same room.
Maxine Owen: Your mother and your sister don’t have Asperger’s Syndrome. Have you ever felt at a disadvantage to them, or do you feel that you might have received a hidden blessing?
Asia: No disadvantage at all. Every advantage. Being Aspie comes with the blessing of IQ points that I would not trade for anything. I can deal with being eccentric. I would not like to give up any of my brains, which I consider my “secret weapon” LOL!
Maxine Owen: Your son has Asperger’s, but your daughter does not. Did you feel relieved to discover that she did not have any “quirks”?
Asia: Well I had my daughter first, so I had nothing to compare her to, especially not knowing what Asperger’s was at that point. She is out of this world smart, with none of the quirks, and now that I have my son to compare her to (he’s only one year younger but far, far younger in maturity), I realize that she’s the only one of us with a social life, PLUS being gifted. She is a very, very lucky little girl. On the boards for moms of gifted kids that I belong to, high IQs go hand in hand with overexcitabilities, quirks, difficulties in other areas – everything I’ve experienced with my son, and none of it with my daughter. I don’t know how she escaped the high-IQ curse, haha!
Maxine Owen: You recently gave birth to another son. How much does a possible Asperger’s diagnosis weigh on your mind?
Asia: I was worried I would have a boy, and then heartbroken when I found out it was indeed a boy. I can’t tell if he’s an Aspie yet, but odds are good that he will be, so we’ll have to deal with it as it comes. It definitely makes life more difficult for the parent as well as the child.
Maxine Owen: As a female Aspie with male Aspie relatives, you have seen both sides of the situation. What, if any, do you think are the differences in the ways that Asperger’s presents itself in the male gender vs. the female gender?
Asia: I actually find that I respond like a male to almost every situation. All the classic ways that males and females handle relationships differently – I’m the male. I’m the only female Aspie I know, so I only have a pool of one to draw on here. But I find that I don’t relate well to women and their small talk, gossip, emotional reactions to things – they don’t make sense to me, or have any appeal for me. I’d rather hang out with a bunch of geeky guys and have a fragfest.
Maxine Owen: Females seem to have an easier time mimicking “normal” behavior. Do you think that this is because females spend more time observing the ins and outs of social behaviors?
Asia: I CAN mimic normal behavior, but it requires a lot of effort on my part. I’m like a computer struggling to simulate and recreate what I see others doing and it’s stressful for me. I avoid social situations whenever possible.
Maxine Owen: What career path(s) have you chosen in the past or the present?
Asia: Oy vey, did someone pay you to ask me this, or are you just being funny? *awkward pause* …I’m Asia Carrera, retired pornstar and veteran of over 300 XXX films. AKA “The World’s Smartest Pornstar”, or the “Mensa Pornstar”. I made the divergence of brains and looks my claim to fame. I also was the first pornstar to run her own website 100% alone and I maintained a huge cyberpresence instead of doing public appearances or feature dancing. You can wikipedia me to find out more.
Maxine Owen: Do you think your Asperger’s has helped or hindered your life goals?
Asia: It wound up being the reason I was so famous. I was the go-to person when the mainstream media wanted a XXX person to talk to during sweeps weeks, and I was the mascot for Tech TV, G4 the Gaming Network, the Geek Squad, the Unreal Tournament team, and many others. I had special on the E! channel, I was featured in the Wall Street Journal… blah blah blah. As an Aspie I was terrified of people, but my IQ made it easy for me to spew out sound bites and give the media what they wanted for over a decade.
Maxine Owen: How are your interpersonal relationships as an adult? Are they easier or more challenging?
Asia: I was widowed at 32, and I’m still single at 38 now. I think I will probably stay single. It’s just easier for me. I’m very busy raising my three kids, and that’s perfectly fulfilling for me. I don’t need a husband to deal with on top of everything else I’m juggling. I have a 7 yr old, a 5 yr old, and a 2 week old baby by sperm donor. My plate is full!
Maxine Owen: Thank you for joining us here, and for shedding some light onto some deeper parts of the Aspie experience.
Asia: You’re welcome!
A couple of side notes from me (Maxine): Having one child with Asperger’s, even one of the same gender, does not necessarily mean that the others will have it. I have 4 children. Two are boys, two are girls. Only the youngest boy has it.
Second: I wish to express my thanks to Rachel Kusama, a friend, and a successful Aspie. Thanks for setting up this interview for me.