Autism Has Not Ruined My Life

I have recently seen a lot of posts about Autism, referring to these children as “Vaccine damaged Children.” It rubs me the wrong way. It seems to indicate that our Autistic children, whatever level they may be on, are somehow defective, or that our lives are ruined because our children have Autism.
I am here to tell you that although this is a journey I never thought I’d be taking, Autism has not ruined my life. It has, in fact, made it sweeter and more meaningful than it ever was.
Do I look back and wonder? Sure I do.
Do I look at pictures of how he was in the early months, before the Autism set in? Yes, I do. I have even cried a bit over those pictures.
There is something special and yet a bit sad about being an Autism parent. The joys, however, far outweigh the sorrows.
He is high-functioning, so he is able to make some eye contact, though it is brief. He is affectionate, but in short spurts. He cares deeply for others and is protective of women, with whom he seems to make a deeper connection.
As I said, the eye contact is brief, but it is there. He is affectionate, but he will likely never cuddle with great comfort. He has a big caring heart. He feels things deeply, yet is not always aware of sarcasm or belittling by his peers. He would do just about anything to make you happy, but he is not comfortable sharing his toys.
I look at this child and I see a miracle of love. I see God’s love for me, displayed in this wonderful child.
Yes, he has odd behaviors. He walks through a room and suddenly, for some inexplicable reason, tilts his head to one side, as if he has heard something that no one else registers.
He will walk past the kitchen table, headed for the bathroom, and if he senses that one of his lined up toys is a tiny bit out of place, he backs up and fixes it.
If I leave the remotes in the bedroom at the wrong angle after my morning workout, he will stop everything and fix them, before moving on to the rest of his routine.
His idea of conversation is to talk to people about what HE is interested in, because he assumes that if he is interested in it, EVERYONE must find it interesting. People are often held hostage in a conversation with him, because he has failed to pick up on the social cues that they are not interested and wish to move on. For their part, they do not know how to extract themselves from this conversation.
These are skills that he is working on. He has come so far, from the child who wouldn’t talk to any of his peers, to the one who now won’t stop talking at all.
There are visible miracles in this child. He has a photographic and verbal memory. He forgets almost nothing. This will aid him greatly in the future, if he can focus it on academic achievements.
He is both a challenge and a wonder. He is, however, my little miracle. He is ten years old, but he seems to have the innocence of a much younger child. That’s why I call him “little.”
He is amazing and wonderful. He fills my life with joy. Autism has not ruined my life. It has given me a greater sense of wonder, blessing, and purpose.

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